Back by popular demand: my kids (ages 12, 10, 6, and 4) share their opinions on celebrity fashion. For the first time, they’re critiquing the Met Gala. The theme this year was American Independence.
Lupita Nyong’o in Atelier Versace
Embed from Getty ImagesM: This is kind of like Elsa’s dress, if Elsa were in 2021.
J: Too much blue.
R: I like her clothes with the sparkles on the bottom. Her hair is good.
E: I like the sparkles! I love them!
Evan Mock in Thom Browne
Embed from Getty ImagesM: Fish face. He looks like a Fortnite character.
J: …that one Emo kid.
R: I don’t like him. I don’t like his hair. The mask is creepy.
E: I don’t like the mask. I like the coat. I like the shorts.
Lorde in Bode
Embed from Getty ImagesM: I don’t understand fashion.
J: That hat is too much.
R: YES to her dress! And her little crown and her little shoes…they’re all pretty.
E: I like the flowers on her dress, the little and big ones.
Ben Platt in Christian Cowan
Embed from Getty ImagesM: The 70s were a dark time.
J: Dear Ben Platt: You in that outfit doesn’t work, just like you playing a high schooler doesn’t work.
R: NOPE! NO. No. Nononononono. That’s all I want to say.
E: I like him’s pants! I like him’s shoes, too!
Naomi Osaka in Louis Vuitton
Embed from Getty ImagesM: What creature just walked onto the red carpet?!
J: Like the color, but not the eye shadow.
R: Why is that her hair? It’s all ugly.
E: This looks like a different girl! I like her short dress. I like that hair…the WINGS!
Jordan Roth in Michael Sylvan Robinson
Embed from Getty ImagesM: (sings) 24 carat magic on the flooooor…
J: Exquisite.
R: It’s ugly. Too ugly. But I like the boots and pants.
E: The hair is ugly. I like the coat. I like the shoes but not the back of it (the heel).
Emily Blunt in Miu Miu
Embed from Getty ImagesM: I like the idea of her dress being made of shooting stars.
J: How long did it take to make that dress?
R: That’s pretty! I like her crown and her earrings and her dress. The sparkly part is my favorite part.
E: I like the crown and the dress and the sparkles but not ALL of the sparkles, just SOME of them. R liked ALL of the sparkles but I just like SOME of them.
Kim Petras in Collina Strada
Embed from Getty ImagesM: She’s committed animal cruelty.
J: She. Decapitated. A horse.
R: Good. She’s a horse.
E: A COW! (Me: I think it’s a horse…) A HORSE! I like it. But the hair is a little ugly. Floooooweeeeers! I like flowers. I’m wearing a flower dress today.
Simone Biles in Athleta
Embed from Getty ImagesM: There’s the dress, and then there’s…the toilet paper.
J: I swear you are going to kill someone with that dress!
R: It looks like a flower. Really, really good. And it’s pretty.
E: Where’s the crown? I like crowns. But not on the boys. I like the earrings, and the long dress, the white dress.
Dan Levy in Loewe
Embed from Getty ImagesM: This makes me feel like I’m going to fail art class in school.
J: Yuck.
R: He’s breaking the rules.
E: Um. What’s he wearing? (I describe.) I like the shoulder pads. But the hair is ugly a little.
Grimes in Iris van Herpen
Embed from Getty ImagesM: ….somebody is in your house…Happy Halloween!
J: That mask goes great with it all.
R: She’s like a witch!
E: I like the mask! And the dress. And the hair is good and ugly and gross. I like the sword. That’s all I have to say.
Iman in Harris Reed
Embed from Getty ImagesM: IT’S A SUPERNOVA! RUN!
J: The sun god!
R: She’s a PRINCESS!
E: Her looks like a flying dragon! I like her BIG GIANT HAT! Why is it so big and giant? I just don’t know why.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in Brother Vellies by Aurora James
Embed from Getty ImagesM: I agree with her statement.
J: I agree.
R: I don’t like it.
E: I like the dress. I like her hair too! Wow this is a lot of persons I’m seeing! When will I be done?
Frank Ocean in Prada
Embed from Getty ImagesM: “….do you like my son?”
J: He has a baby.
R: Is that a real baby? Does it talk? I don’t like it. It’s creepy, because witches are green.
E: I like that guy because the robot baby’s so funny! But I don’t like the robot baby. Nooooo….
Erykah Badu in Thom Browne
Embed from Getty ImagesM: It’s a gun! No! It’s a sword! NO! IT’S A WEINER DOG!
J: She has a gun.
R: I don’t like the hat.
E: I like the dress and the dog, those two. But the hat is ugly.
Hailee Steinfeld in Iris van Herpen
Embed from Getty ImagesM: I’m never eating parmesan cheese crisps again.
J: She has mold.
R: Cute and baaaad.
E: Where’s the cake? There’s no cake in that picture.
Serena Williams in Gucci
Embed from Getty ImagesM: The cape reminds me of Art, from Monsters University.
J: WTF (but like, in a good way)
R: Fuzzy. Just fuzzy.
E: I like the cape and the pants and the shoes but the hair’s a little…..no.
Kim Kardashian in Balenciaga Couture
Embed from Getty ImagesM: The Grim Reaper is heading your way….
J: Kim = darkness
R: Does she have black skin? (Me: No, she’s pretending). That’s breaking the law!
E: Is this a boy or a girl? I like the mask but….why is her looking at me?
Lil Nas X in Atelier Versace (Part 1)
Embed from Getty ImagesM: Well, it would be pretty hard to be cold wearing this.
J: It’s summer, not winter.
R: The coat is SO PRETTY!
E: I like the cape. He looks like a king!
Lil Nas X in Atelier Versace (Part 2)
Embed from Getty ImagesM: Go go Power Raaaaangers!
J: Oh look! A knight of the golden table!
R: So he’s a knight? Why did he take off his jacket?
E: It’s good but the shoes are ugly.
Lil Nas X in Atelier Versace (Part 3)
Embed from Getty ImagesM: Shiny
J: I got nothin’. I don’t know fashion.
R: A gymnastics clothes? What else is under there? Why was he hiding so much stuff!
E: Him has a lot of suits! I like the shoes NOW.
Best Dressed:
M: Frank Ocean
J: Kim Petras
R: Simone Biles
E: Grimes
Worst Dressed:
M: Lorde
J: Dan Levy
R: Frank Ocean
E: Ben Platt