Musings of a Marfan Mom

What I Wish a Crystal Ball Would Have Shown Me


I awoke this morning to the sounds of my two boys laughing together, moments before they burst into my room to snuggle together on my bed. Observing their love for each other, my mind slipped back to my pregnancy with J.

I was just out of my 1st trimester with J when we learned about M’s autism diagnosis. Now don’t get me wrong: I was thrilled to be having a second baby. Never had I thought that my life plans would include my doctors clearing me for a second pregnancy, and I didn’t take that opportunity and gift lightly. But honestly? I felt a lot of guilt.

I worried we were going to ruin M’s life by having a second child. M would need a lot of therapy: how could we balance all of that with the needs of a newborn, not to mention a newborn that had a 50% chance of having medical issues itself? And the new baby! Would s/he get everything it needed if we were so busy taking care of M? Would s/he resent elder brother for his differences?

Other parents at M’s autism school tried to reassure me that siblings are good for each other and that a sibling would probably even help M develop new skills. I wasn’t so sure though, particularly after we had such a rocky start when J was finally born.

I wish a crystal ball could have shown me the life we’re living now. My sons adore each other. Sure, they squabble a kazillion times a day, as most young siblings do, but they are truly best friends. It was the highlight of my day Saturday to hear how protective M was of his brother at the adoption conference. He made sure all the babysitters knew about J’s food allergy and he played with J and comforted him when he was sad. Finding a balance with therapists and doctors’ appointments has not been perfect, but I feel like we’re in a good place.

I wish I hadn’t spent all that time worrying.

The boys rode like this for much of a car ride Friday evening.

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  1. Same thing here. I worried a lot about how having a second child might take away attention and time that Joshua needed and that Samantha wouldn’t get the attention and time she needed. Completely wrong! They both love each other and are so good for each other! And really they have learned from each other too.


  2. Oh, so true! And I’m a few step ahead of you. Wait for it…it gets even better! I won’t lie and tell you it is always easy…but the pure joy that comes from autism/Marfan is sweeter than any “typical” life. You and I share two common medical issues, but the greater thing we share is the mothers heart. Little did I know that our last little boy would help pull it all together…oxoxox


  3. There is nothing more magical that the sound of siblings laughter resulting from pure enjoyment of one another. :) When they hold hands in the car it’s the moment when my heart sheds a tear of absolute joy! So glad you are experiencing this too! You’re an amazing mother… And you have a beautiful family. <3 😀


  4. I am having those same feelings now being pregnant with #3. I worry that Grace will feel left out since she is so much older and frankly is pretty self sufficient now. I get sad thinking Will is going from the baby to the middle child and will he feel cheated out of all the one on one time with me that his sister got — he is SUCH a mommy’s boy — will he resent the new baby? And the new baby — the 50% chance of a Marfan diagnosis is always present. And beyond that, will this baby be okay as #3 – being shuttled around to Grace’s activities and being kind of at the whim of the toddler’s schedule?! And really can I even handle 3??!!

    But in my heart I know that it will all be okay. :)


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