Musings of a Marfan Mom

The Adoption Homestudy


We passed our homestudy! Just has everyone told me, it really wasn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be. And logically I understood that ahead of time, but it didn’t matter because I was going to worry about it anyway, darn it!

I tried to prep M over breakfast, since the plan was for our case manager (CM) to meet him and J briefly after the interviews were over. This is how the mock conversation went down.

“Ok, pretend I am the social worker. What’s your name?”
“Hahaha. No, what’s your name?”
“Ok, well, Spiderman, do you want a baby brother or sister?”
“I want a baby SISTER! And I will name her Emily! And I will help her.”
“How will you help her?”
“I will help her and then when she is my size she can do it.”
“Do what?”

M and J went home with my inlaws straight from J’s speech therapist. That gave me a half hour to finish cleaning the house before our CM arrived. She came on time and we got down to business with my 1:1 interview.

She got right down to business and asked me to explain what Marfan syndrome is. Then she wanted to know how it affects me, and how it affects J. I was honest, but I also kept it simple. In my opinion there is no reason to get into the what-ifs. What’s important is that I have an average life expectancy, I take good care of myself, even though I’ve had past surgeries I am stable now, and I’m a good mom. There is no point in getting into possible future surgeries or what MIGHT happen to my aorta. I also MIGHT get hit by a car tomorrow. To be clear: I am not advocating being dishonest! That’s never a good idea! I just don’t think it’s important to go through every possible worst-case scenario, either.

Other questions she asked me:
– Describe your childhood.
– How did your parents discipline you?
– How did your father’s death impact you?
– How did you meet Mark?
– What were issues you had during your courtship?
– What type of things do you fight about: child discipline? Finances? How time is spent? Chores? Etc.
– How do you handle disagreements? Who moves to discuss things first?
– What do you think about open adoption?
– What do you expect from the agency post-approval, pre-placement?
– Have you ever had an addiction?
– Have you ever sought mental health treatment?

After the interview, we did the safety inspection while we waited for Mark to come home. It was REALLY fast. Just a quick look at the rooms, checked where we keep our chemicals, looked over our evacuation plan, made sure the emergency numbers were listed on the fridge, and that smoke detectors and fire extinguisher were properly placed.

The couples’ interview was a little shorter than my interview. Our agency is through our church, so our CM asked us about what jobs we have in our congregation and whether we’ve ever been not active. We were also asked about living apart (due to schooling issues, we lived in different cities for awhile, and later on, different states), whether we’d ever broken up while dating, and finances (do you own your home? cars? any other types of debt?).

After that, Mark and our CM had his one on one interview, which was SUPER short because apparently Mark answered the same as I had for all his questions, so there wasn’t anything for her to discuss. I guess we’re really in sync, haha. (No, we did not rehearse answers ahead of time!)

So, all 3 interviews and the home inspection lasted 2 hours and 52 minutes. I was anticipating about 3.5 hours. We were informed that we passed the homestudy before our CM left. The only downside to finishing so early is that meeting M would have meant our CM hanging around for another hour, so she skipped interviewing him.

Today was our fire inspection and I just emailed that paperwork to our CM. Tomorrow is Mark’s physical, so after I send that form in, all we have to do is wait! We could be approved in as little as *2 weeks* (our fingerprints are already in!) and then it’s just a matter of waiting for a match. We were told that on average, families with 2 children tend to wait longer than couples with no children or 1 child. Our CM said to expect to wait at least a year, but in the meanwhile that families who “advertise” get matched faster. Once we’re 100% ready to go, I hope you’ll help us spread the word. :-)

Thank you for all of your support thus far!
hopeful adoptive couple

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  1. Okay I want, no wait, I need to know how The Boy did in his interview? Congrats by the way!!


    marfmom Reply:

    Totally forgot that part! I’ll go add it in!


  2. Congratulations!
    I like how you didn’t address what ifs. I totally agree.


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