…or, How Much I Love Free Stuff.

I love a steal. I trade deal information with my friend Debbie. I do the whole Black Friday shopping thing. I spend a bit each Sunday just entering giveaways on SITS. I keep a list of everything I’ve won from blog giveaways.

So, when I heard over the grocery store loudspeaker that someone was giving away pairing knives by the seafood, well, Menininho and I were all over that.

The baby and I parked our cart towards the back of the small group of old people who had gathered to listen to the spiel. Menininho entertained the women on either side of us, patting their hands and cooing. The salesman got up, very typical looking: bald, late 20s/early 30s, and bored.

His pitch was straight out of one of those 2 AM infomercials: this knife will never dull; it cuts a tomato, peels a tomato, and, don’t try this one at home folks (because I’m using a fake!), but this knife can even cut a hammer!

Then, after we all see how FANTASTIC this knife is (which, naturally, is NOT the same knife we’re getting for free), he mentioned the price is ONLY $39.99 and it’s a STEAL to buy it now because you can only buy it on TV and then you have to pay S&H. But, just for buying it today, he’ll throw in a kajillion other knives just for us, because we’re basically BFFs now, after watching his little boring performance.

“So, who wants to buy my knives?” he asked.

Silence.

“C’mon, who wants to buy this great set of knives?”

Silence.

“These knives are a great deal! You’ll never need another set! Step right up!”

I laughed.

I promise it wasn’t a loud laugh. Just a giggle really, directed towards the woman making goo-goo eyes at Menininho, who had been trading sarcastic comments with me throughout the unenthusiastic presentation. You would have snickered too, since all the old people just wanted a free knife.

Mr. Bored, Bald Sales Guy totally called me out! He was furious. “Yah, that’s OK, go ahead and laugh that no one wants to buy my knives. It just comes down to money. It just comes down to money people.”

Yah, didn’t make sense to me, either. I just laughed more. Then, the women around me got riled up because how dare that mean salesman signal out the young lady with the adorable baby?! No knife sales for him now!

Moral of the story? If you put some emotion into your pitch, maintain a sense of humor, and aren’t mean to young mothers of adorable infants, you might make a sale.

And, since I know you were wondering, yes, I stuck around to get my free knife. I have no shame. And yes, Mr. Bored, Bald, and Bitter Sales Guy refused to make eye contact when I did.