Musings of a Marfan Mom

M & J Take on 2017 Golden Globes Fashion

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Who was classy? Who was edgy? Who completely failed? Find out what M, 7.5, and J, 6, had to say (with a few comments from their dad too)!

Olivia Culpo, in Zuhair Murad:


M: Long, long ago there was a woman who wore a dress that looked like people fighting each other in a flower field.
J: I’ll call this the city dress. I like it.
Mark: I’m pretty sure I had that pattern on a towel when I was little.

Pharrell Williams, in Chanel:


M: Is he planning to play in the snow with that hat on?
J: He’s the Jewelry Master. I like the winter hat here. The long coat is nice too.

Sophie Turner, in Louis Vuitton:


M: She looks like a black brownie or smashed up oreos because all those dots on her legs are like crumbs.
J: When you go to her back, it’s not very stylish.In the front the belt looks like a ninja belt though, so I like that.
Mark: I’m reminded of the Emperor’s New Clothes: it’s like she’s missing pieces and doesn’t even know it.

Claire Foy in Erdem:


M: She looks like a giant pile of junk, and the junk is filled with hungry caterpillars who like to eat.
J: Ooooo this is a yes! I like the glitter all over it!

Cuba Gooding, Jr.:


M: Did he try ordering baby clothes instead of his-size clothes? But, I like the plaid.
J: This is just too much going on. He should have worn a plain coat and no tie.
Mark: Suit’s a little small but I like the style.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Vera Wang:


M: She looks half polar bear, half human.
J: White is my favorite color and I love the poofy poofy. I kind of like her hair, but I don’t love it.

Viola Davis in Michael Kors:


M: She looks like she’s made of lightning! It’s in the middle for me, because it’s really just a yellow dress, not that much detail, so I like it but I don’t love it: it’s in the middle.
J: The yellow looks fantastic on her. I like the sparkle lines coming down.

Lily Collins in Zuhair Murad:


M: It looks like 75 seasons of spring were used to make her dress. It’s a worn-out queen’s dress.
J: This is regal. I like poofy dresses.

Donald Glover in Gucci:


M: He’s wearing the total color of the poop emoji. He kind of looks sad.
J: I don’t like brown and purple together.
Mark: I’ve got to agree with M’s assessment, but at the same time it looks really comfortable.

Caitriona Balfe in Delpozo:


M: Firebird! Also, lava versus water: WHO WILL WIN?
J: I really like the neckline here, with the no sleeves. And the orange wrapping around the blue, I just love that SO SO MUCH! Like, SO MUCH!
Mark: Ooooo! That’s superhero-y and classy at the same time.

Drew Barrymore in Monique Lhuillier:


M: She looks like a bird so dead it’s just showing its bones.
J: I don’t like it because it’s mostly just all white. It looks like a big piece of junk.

Thandie Newton in Monse:


M: Is it possible for snow to not melt if there is fire right under it?
J: The gold at the bottom is pretty.
Mark: Taking “the floor is lava” to the next level! I like it!

Emma Stone in Valentino Couture:


M: I like this dress. Pink is my favorite color and I like the stars.
J: I love the stars all over it! It looks like when sunset turns to night.

Ryan Gosling in Gucci:


M: My mom is weird because she thinks he’s cute.
J: I love this on his jacket! Oh wait…that’s the computer pointer. I thought it was part of his jacket. Well, I do like his mustachio.

Jessica Biel in Elie Saab:


M: I don’t understand this.
J: Bummer! Part of the dress is gone…it’s kinda missing.

Nicole Kidman in Alexander McQueen:


M: Wait….whaaaat? What just happened? This is weird and…complicated.
J: Even dumber! Her dress is ripped!

Kerry Washington in Dolce & Gabbana:


M: Can you you get a better dress? Because we can see your underwear!
J: I like her shoulder armor.

Carrie Underwood in Iris Serban:


M: It looks like frosting erupted on you. Can you put it back in its container?
J: That poof is messing up her dress!

Mandy Moore in Naeem Khan:


M: Her superhero name is Midnight Woman and she’d go well with my cat Oliver because he has a black cape, too.
J: DARTH GIRL! I love it! She looks like Darth Vader because she has a dark cape going down her like Darth Vader.
Mark: A little less cape in the back, a little more in the front.

Janelle Monáe in Armani Privé:


M: She looks more like a teenager than an adult. Are you sure that’s the best dress you have?
J: I love this Dalmatian dress.
Mark: That just looks fun!

Best Dressed:
M: Janelle Monáe
J: Caitriona Balfe
Mark: Caitriona Balfe and Thandie Newton
Maya: Viola Davis and Janelle Monáe

Worst Dressed:
M: Viola Davis: it’s so boring, there is no style there!
J: Sophie Turner
Mark: Jessica Biel
Maya: Nicole Kidman and Jessica Biel

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