Back by popular demand, M and J critique this year’s Emmys best and worst (with some occasional commentary from their parents)!
Priyanka Chopra, in Jason Wu:
M: AAAAHHHH! BLOOD BALL!
J: The straps remind me of a superhero cape. I wish I had a shirt like that!
Mark: It’s like she put her head through the wrong hole!
Sarah Paulson, in Prada:
M: Plant…ish.
J: I like the green beads, because green is my favorite color. My favorite shape is rectangles, so I like the earrings. She kinda looks like a rectangle, too.
Kerry Washington, in Brandon Maxwell:
M: I hope the baby likes what you’re wearing.
J: Oooooooooooooooooooooo! I really love the cape! I like that her belly is showing.
Felicity Huffman, in Tony Ward Couture:
M: Her dress looks like it has a pile of gold, waiting to be robbed. Her earrings look like tiny angels that got trapped on her ears.
J: Her dress is so fancy, it has its own skirt.
Mark: She’s wearing a doily.
Anna Chlumsky, in Christian Siriano:
M: WHOA. (Moments of silence) Is she wearing a sweater? It’s not winter!
J: I hate this. It looks like a big jacket, and I hate jackets. I. Hate. Jackets.
Maya: I think it looks like a giant curtain tongue is eating her.
Kristen Bell, in Zuhair Murad Couture:
M: This looks like a spring dress to me, not an end-of-summer dress.
J: I like the flowers and I like the pinkness.
Maya: I love this dress, especially for her, but I’m disappointed by her hair, or maybe it’s her nude lip…something is missing.
Caleb McLaughlin, in a custom tux:
M: This dude? L. O. L. He looks really cool! He’s got gems on his bowtie!
J: I’ve never seen a tuxedo like this! I want a crystal bowtie!
Claire Danes, in Schiaparelli Couture:
M: Oh! Well, THAT’S the pile of gold! A gold fountain!
J: She looks like a giant block of gold, with gold skin.
Maya: I have feelings about gold dresses for award shows: trying too hard. It looks like she has 3 boob holders, and she spent two days too long in the tanning booth.
Emily Ratajkowski, in Zac Posen:
M: Wow she looks really cool! Look at her mouth and her eyes, just staring off!
J: I think that woman is a mermaid.
Sarah Hyland, in Monique Lhuillier:
M: Ok number one, she’s got a great smile on her face! I’m glad you’re wearing that! Number two, it’s like, a butterfly with flowers on you.
J: You forgot your dress!
Maya: If the flying nun went to the Emmys
Angela Bassett, in Christian Siriano:
M: LEMON!
J: She looks like a giant lemon.
Mandy Moore, in Prabal Gurung:
M: It’s like she’s an orange juice bottle with arms and a head coming out of the bottle.
J: And she’s a giant orange!
Maya: It looks like someone peeled a tangerine then took the swirly peels and put them back on the tangerine wrong.
Viola Davis, in Marchesa:
M: It looks like she has a chipotle burrito in her hand.
J: I like the glitter on it.
Maya: A Marchesa gown should not have the darts showing.
Mark: That is just an excellent dress.
Terrence Howard:
M: I’m glad you learned about opposites, because your bowtie and your tuxedo are a great example of opposites.
J: I like the pattern of his jacket but I wouldn’t wear it, but I wish I could have one like that. I mean, I wouldn’t wear a grownup sized one.
Mark: I want one.
Amy Poehler, in Pamella Roland:
M: It’s like she has vines all over her.
J: Is she wearing grass?
Maya: Geriatric mother-of-the-bride meets swamp lady
Giuliana Rancic, in Georges Chakra:
M: She’s a giant pink cotton ball.
J: Her dress is so thin I can see inside!
Niecy Nash, in Christian Siriano:
M: Her dress looks like marshmallows all melted together! I could EAT her dress!
J: She looks like a cloud.
Mark: It looks like she walked out of the bathroom without noticing there was toilet paper stuck to her.
Constance Zimmer, in Monique Lhuillier:
M: Ugly.
J: I like the contrast between the white and the pink.
Maya: Your lips, clutch, and dress should not all be the same shade of pink. Also, mushroom hair.
Mark: Very symmetrical. I like how symmetrical it is.
Maya: You would, Mark.
Laura Carmichael, in Delpozo:
M: It’s like a yellow drink machine pouring out grape powerade.
J: I like that the skirt and top are not connected.
Best Dressed:
M: Sarah Hyland
J: Claire Danes
Maya: Kristen Bell
Mark: Sarah Paulson, Viola Davis, and Terrence Howard
Worst Dressed:
M: Constance Zimmer
J: Giuliana Rancic
Maya: Anna Chlumsky
Mark: Anna Chlumsky
What are your thoughts? Any favorites that we missed?
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