Musings of a Marfan Mom

An Open Letter to Bathrooms Everywhere

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Dear bathrooms everywhere:

My son wakes up in the morning talking about you. “Hi Dad. Dee. See Bafroom!”

He mentions you throughout the day…likes to list every part of you. “See Bafroom. Toyet. Sink. Wash hand. Soap. Rubrub. Paper towel. Hand dwyer. Trashcan. Flush.”

When we go anywhere, we have to reassure him that yes, you do exist and yes, he may visit you and wash his hands at least once while we’re gone. But once is never enough. No, even when those bathroom noises terrify him to tears, my son can’t quit you. It’s like a bad relationship, with him always coming back for more.

I ask you: how did you create such a grip on my child? What have you offered him? Love? Money? Fame? Tell me! I’ll double whatever you’re promising.

This has got to stop! We can’t even enjoy a trip to Ikea because every blue and white Ikea sign looks like a blue and white bathroom sign and HEAVEN FORBID we pass a bathroom and don’t stop inside to wash our hands and admire the trashcans.

Confession: we stopped at a Game Stop over the weekend and my son wanted to tour their bathroom. The door was locked, so I told him you were broken. When one of the workers said hello, M informed him “Bafroom broh-ken.” The employee started to offer to unlock you but I made eye contact and vigorously shook my head while mouthing NOOOOO because seriously, it had’t been 5 minutes since my kid was last washing his hands. Luckily the man took the hint and apologized for the bathroom being broken. But see what you made me do, bathrooms? You made me tell one of those “Mommy lies!”

So consider this your cease and desist order. Unlock your grip on my toddler, or I will be forced to create a Tumblr full of unflattering photos of you, called The Relentless Pursuit of Bathrooms, and it will contain a picture of every bathroom M ever sets foot in again. Heck, I might do that anyway just to spite you.

Sincerely,
A Bathroom-Obsession Hating Mama

* This has been brought to you as part of Mama Kat’s Writers’ Workshop, prompt #3: Do you love it or hate it? An open letter to your child’s latest obsession.

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8 Comments

  1. For my kids, that started later…my youngest daughter is 10 and has to visit the bathroom everywhere we go. Doesn’t matter that she just peed at the store we JUST left….she has to go again. Good thing I’m not a germaphobe!

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  2. OK, that was really pretty funny (thought I’m sure the obsession is not in the least bit funny to you when you’re on the 10th bathroom visit of the day). Two of my three kids are prone to obsessions like this. My oldest daughter was obsessed with Charlotte’s Web as a preschooler and insisted everyone call her “Wilbur.” Everyone. All the time. I would tell my friends how crazy it was making me and they’d say things like, “Oh, that’s sweet!” Yeah, sweet. Nothing is sweet when you have to talk about it every waking minute with a not quite rational small human.

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    marfmom Reply:

    Exactly! I know obsessions are par for autism, but why couldn’t he be obsessed with something else? I’m not sure what wouldn’t be annoying after awhile though, haha.

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  3. I can’t recall anything that any of my kids obsessed over, well other than Barney and Elmo and that darn Banana in Pajamas… and the Tazmanian Devil… and puppies. But not as bad as my kid’s cousin obsessed over cats. I mean she meowed and panted and groomed herself, in a cat-like way, and she was 14 years old!!!

    Thankfully I have survived the childhoods of my 6 children without any undue obsessions… not that they haven’t had any obsessions that were a bit odd, just that they weren’t any odder than any other people’s kids.

    You can get your kid an ID badge that says Bathroom Inspector… you know as soon as you do that his obsession with them will wane instantly! LOL!

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  4. OH my Gawd!!! We so remember when we couldn’t go anywhere without a visit to the restroom. Even when we went to different stores, we had to visit every restroom. It might have only been 10 minutes since the last visit, we had to go.

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  5. Oh Maya- you made me laugh! I’m sure it’s not laughing matter the majority of the time, but your vent is done in such a way that one can’t help but smile. Hope this is a short lived obsession.

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    marfmom Reply:

    It’s one of those things where if I step back a bit, it’s hysterical to me. Definitely one of the stories to tell the future fiancee! :-)

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  6. Hahaha thanks for the laugh, Maya! Sorry about the endless stream of bathroom visits, though. That’s a pain. :(

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